Story of Zinglon

"It is written that in the days of 2-D holovision, there appeared an image to everyone in the universe. That image was the ascention of our god, Zinglon. He gave us this image of his form so that we may look upon him and realize the great pain he felt so that we could live new lives, free from the negative aspects of life. Soon afterward, the prophet Monses received the eleven cubes of holy rules, the commandments by which all races must live in harmony. The greatest of these commandments is that ~All~ ~Life-Forms~ ~May~ ~Partake~ ~of~ ~the~ ~Wisdom~ ~of~ ~Zinglon~. Every creature, big and small, is given the opportunity to save themselves from damnation by learning the writings of our order. Also important is the ~Right~ ~to~ ~Free~ ~Speech~ ~With~ ~Exceptions~. That is, any person who follows the right of Zinglon may produce any material they see fit which does not mock the great one himself. Those who do not follow the order may also produce any material they wish, though the order is free to wage Jihad against them. Another great advance in free rights is the ~Spiritual~ ~Right~ ~to~ ~Eat~ ~Crackers~. The rest are: The Law of the Order of Zinglon is final and absolute. All races must live in harmony or suffer the consequences. Objects whose quantity are eleven are spiritually divine. No race is allowed to totally destroy another, no matter what their crime. Anyone so doing must at least keep one of the target race in stasis under their own expense. No life form has the right to invoke the power of Zinglon within pagan idols. All life forms have the right to subsidized bus fare. All life forms have the right to subsidized education, as long as they are taught the rules of Zinglon and are bonded into slavery for life. No life form may be harmed by the order unless the order proves that they have not followed the above commandments." |
Anti-Fruit Decree Due to the blasphemous nature of alowing food products to float around endlessly in space, potentially disrupting the nature of Zinglon, any ship allowing fruit to escape from their ship after their destruction will be sent to the Great Buffet to give penance. What's more fruit-bearing weapons are also a direct violation of this form if they are not blessed by a priest wearing the brick-red robes of inedibility. Anyone with knowledge of someone who has violated these sacred rules must confess to the Order of Zinglon or else suffer a similar penance in the Great Waiting Room Above the Buffet. Grand Moolah Yimbo
[Jason] Zinglon was a strange name I thought up at random during a video game session where I threatened Alec that the great god Zinglon would come down and destroy him. Or something similar to that. Later, Zinglon became a ritual saying, much in the way that I'd yell Copenhagen whenever Alec was trying to do something that required any skill. These things may be in part the reason he is who is he is today. Zinglon was probably one of the first things that showed up from our childhood. From there is was just a matter of time that he ended up as a nose...